I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
