Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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