It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
