Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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