oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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