Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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