try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
