i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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