Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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