Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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