Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
