The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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