Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
