It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
