you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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