Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
