he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
