She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
