we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
