highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
