i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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