youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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