They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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