Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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