He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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