she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
