I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
