Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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