I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
