I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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