Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
