Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
