A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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