i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
