im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
