so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
