Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He shit in the fireplace
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
