after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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