Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
