She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
