Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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