I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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