sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found the puke drawer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They are going to name an STD after you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
