kristin has been a bad kristin
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
