More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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