I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
