i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
