he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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