So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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