Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
