Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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