so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize