Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
