we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
