there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How naked do you want me to be?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
