Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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