My nipple is on Facebook.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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