Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
