New low: just hacked my moms facebook
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
