If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
