I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
