I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
