I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
