just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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