The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
