I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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