Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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