so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
