im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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