dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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