im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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