He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
